Spiritual Warfare

When I was a new Christian, I have heard about spiritual dryness and  I have always thought that it won't happen to me since I was on fire for the Lord.  Everyday, I was hungry for His Word and I can sit all day reading the Bible and talking to Him.  My free time was always prayer time- be it a short jeepney or bus ride, shower time, or short walk to and from.  Life was difficult then as we were down financially, but there was genuine peace and joy inside me.  It was amazing!  

Then the Lord blessed us with more than we deserved and I became busy in the process not wanting to pause and meditate as I always find myself  needing to meet deadlines.  My quiet time with Him became dry in the process that I almost cannot hear Him.  I knew deep in my heart that the joy and peace, only the presence of the Lord can give, is slowly fading away.  The pull of the world on me became stronger and my flesh suddenly woke up with renewed strength and conviction to reign on me. The struggle, the spiritual warfare the Apostle Paul described in Romans 7 was now becoming real right through me:

Romans 7: 15-20

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

I almost believed the lie that I am so guilty the Lord will not forgive me. But the Lord loves me and He will not allow me to go down the pit. He graciously nudges me when I take the wrong step and He never gets tired of doing so. He is faithful, merciful and gracious to forgive me. And His loving kindness makes me cry as I cannot give it back the same way with my own strength. Only through Jesus that I can be deserving of the gift of salvation. He is my Lord and Savior and I will fight for Him. My flesh will always renew its strength but God will give me enough strength to fight it back!

Slowly now, it is becoming clearer to me. Spiritual dryness came, for me to realize that faith and love for the Lord does not only mean being on fire for the Lord. I cannot rely on what I feel because my emotion can be deceiving. True faith and love for the Lord is a COMMITMENT. Commitment to fight for Him over my own flesh. To fight for my time for Him over my busyness, to fight for my obedience to Him over my own desires and to fight for my crown of life over the glittering prize the world offers. Commitment to fight on His side during this spiritual war fare. I am already in the middle of this war, and I chose to side with the Lord. And I pray for God that He lead me and renew my heart and strength every moment of this war.

Psalm 51: 10-11

Create in me a clean heart, O God

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

  

The Cross

Hope.

Love.

Grace.

Peace.

Joy.

Life.

The CROSS has given me hope when I had none.  It has shown me love like no other and grace beyond imagination.  The peace and joy in my heart amidst life's turmoil and challenges I owe it to the CROSS.   It has has given me life-  a purpose to live and direction to take.

The cross is JESUS CHRIST saving me from my wickedness, from a life that is so dark and bound to eternal separation from God.  The cross is God's love for a sinner like me, undeserving to be saved, undeserving to be called to His family.  Yet He extended me grace and love, and until now, I am grateful and in awe of that kind of love and grace.

Before I met Christ, I was living a life of sin.  I was full of pride, conceited, controlling, critical, to name a few.  I was living a life where my goal was to become financially free because I want to spend more time with my family.  It was a good and noble reason, to be able to be there 24/7 to my husband and kids.  But I never really admitted that deeper reason for such goal.  I wanted to be rich because I wanted all money can buy.  I want to be envied and look up to.  I want power and authority.  It was all about feeding my PRIDE.

But He took it all away, He toppled the stairs  I was climbing.  Until I was brought to the edge  and eventually fell far deeper to where I started.  Depression and hopelessness engulf me fast and I didn't know how to start all over again.  And that is the time when He called me to Him.  THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE EVER WAS WHEN I CAME TO KNOW MY SAVIOR AND LORD, JESUS CHRIST.  He forgave my sins and welcomed me into God's family.  I will never forget how the peace of God has replaced the hopelessness and worry in my heart.  It was a peace truly beyond understanding.  Slowly, I learned to let go of the reign I have on my life and let God direct me according to His will.  And it has never been better - the joy in my heart, whatever life's circumstances I am into is truly amazing.  

Today, my purpose in life is to live according to God's will and purpose.  Am I perfectly doing it?  The answer is no.  I still struggle with my old self where at times my pride gets the better of me.  But I pray to God and He never fail to offer His hand and help me get back up and star over again.

God loves us all that He gave His only Son, Jesus, to die for us and save us from our sins.  All of us are bound to go to hell, and yet out of His love for us, He made a way to bring us back to Him.  He gave the gift of salvation through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  That gift of CROSS/SALVATION is freely offered to us and the only thing we need to do is to accept it by repenting on our sins, asking for forgiveness from God and living a life where Jesus becomes not only our savior but also our Lord.  Then we start a journey towards Christ likeness.

Life here on earth is short. This Holy Week, let us find time to reflect-

From all I have been through, from all the success I have reached, am I truly happy?  Do I have peace and genuine joy in my life?

Or do I feel emptiness?

After my life here on earth, do I know where and how will I spend eternity?

Letting Go

This song speaks much of the day I met the Lord.  Before that, I was already feeling the deep emptiness inside me that fame, wealth, and power cannot fill.  But it was until He had broken me down that  I sought him out.  And I am so grateful that He allowed me to draw close to Him.

I've learned to let go of my fears and doubts, but most importantly control of my life-  my dreams, aspirations, my plans.  I have let him take control of what He wants me to do.  I want to obey Him and wait patiently of His perfect plan for me.

Many did not understand what I did.  Being a full time mom and wife when I have all the ability to make it in the corporate world bothered people close to me.  I, myself was bothered too, and hesitant, especially that we had to struggle financially after a series of major financial problems.  But in many ways, He told us to trust Him and to obey.

Surprisingly, despite the major adjustment from having a lot to having just enough to spare, I feel peace and joy and contentment.  Although there are times when I am tempted to want more-  God has a way to remind me to focus on what's eternal and not temporal.  To focus not on my short stay on earth but the very long ETERNITY.

:-)

WAHM

I became a work at home mom since my last employment at Palms Country Club.  I thought being such will be a bliss! Being able to dictate my own time and having the time to spend with my kids.  But it was not so.  There are many challenges that went my way.  One is not having the income that I used to have.  Another is no one to delegate other tasks to.  But you see,  I gave up a good career to pursue what I thought a valid and deserving dream of mine:  to be able to gain financial freedom and live a lifestyle of wealth and fame.  Then God had to discipline me and bring me back to the right direction.  He opened my eyes slowly to what direction He wants me to take.  Mind you, it is not something that is even close to what I've always wanted.  But I learned to surrender my life to Him and let go of the reigns.  Amazingly, amidst the trouble and hardship  of life, I found joy and peace.  And most of all, I found a deep PURPOSE.

I am a WAHM.  A Wotk At Home Mom.  And my boss is not myself anymore.  I am a servant of God.  And I am praying that I become a good and faithful servant all through out.  Deserving to be with Him in eternity.
 

In His Presence Day 2

What truth I have learned:

• Understand the God is in control.  If we want to have calm within, cease striving from the worries, anxieties and frustrations inside.  
• Spend time listening to God through his Word.  
• Nourish our soul.  Feed the one that tells us to please God.
• Surrendering to the Lord is not about giving up, but giving in to His love, grace, destiny, blessings.
• The deepest cry of the soul is REST.  The deepest longing of the soul is PURPOSE.  The greatest need of the soul is RE-ALIGNMENT.

I am blessed to once again learn from His words.  I am a living testimony of how God's grace and love can calm your heart amidst all the trials and hardships of life.  

God bless us all! 

Be A Hero

I was in my usual schedule Friday night, August 30. Got two appointments in the evening and we got home around 11:30 already. I did not feel anything wrong when I went to bed and I was surprise when I woke up around 5 am that my throat hurts. So I went down and made a saltwater gargle solution. I tried to go back to sleep but the pain was already throbbing and I felt it getting worse. Around 7am, the pain in my throat extended up to my ears and this time, the pain is already excruciating to the point where I can no longer talk nor swallow food. To make the story short, I was rushed at Asian Hospital 11pm that Saturday night, was diagnosed with tonsillitis and needed immediate operation since it is already swollen and white patches are all over it. Of course, they have to consider that I am pregnant and the safety of the baby and me is at utmost importance. I was brought to the OR 6am in the morning after so much needles and tests, put on sleep thru general anethesia and they drained the white patches (nana in tagalog). They did not perform tonsillectomy since I was pregnant but suggested after I gave birth to go through it. Around 11:30am I ws brought back to my room from the recovery area where I woke up and felt relief in my throat although there's pain from the operation. Doctors declared me and the baby is safe already.

The entire ordeal was so fast that I did not have time to react already. All I wanted was the pain to go away because it was killing me. I really appreciate my husband more for being so strong and supportive. He was alone the entire time, worrying about me and the baby, not to mention that we were not ready financially for the staggering hospital bills. But he kept his smile and loving eyes and told me not to worry because he'll take care of everything. Of course I can't help but get worried after I saw the bill because I am due with the baby November and all our resources are exhausted already. But you see, what I saw in my husband that day made me trust that everything will be ok. This is just a challenge where you just have to choose: will you think like a hero and act on it? or be like a victim - wallow and cry and feel like it's the end of the world.

My husband chose to be a hero. And with that, I chose to be one too. Side by side, I know we can go through this together.