During last Sunday's service, while Pastor Joby was preaching Exodus 17:1-7, my heart was touched by God's love and patience for the Israelites. And my heart swelled with gratefulness because I am in most ways like them. God had done so much in my life for the past 3 years and over and over, He had shown His power, love, grace and mercy to me. And yet, at times of distress and problems, I tend to forget who God is, and I grumble- much like the Israelites who has seen God's miracles and yet cannot still trust God.
God has shown me what's deep in my heart during the ITR season this year. Many of us is aware how BIR had cause everyone so much stress and sleepless nights last April. The worst days for me came three days before and three days after the deadline where I was already the height of stress and I was already grumbling about BIR's absence of concerns for taxpayers. I was too worried that my clients will incur penalty just because BIR had not been so clear about their issued memo's when the online facility was not working properly. Of course, I prayed to God hard for guidance, strength and help, but that did not stop me from crying, worrying and grumbling. God in His faithfulness, helped me and guided me all through out. And when my heart calmed, I got convicted- I do not fully trust God in times of adversities and problems. I prayed and lifted up all my concerns to Him, but I remained worried and stressed out. I am embarrassed to admit, but during that time, I never trusted God to deliver me out, but instead stressed myself out of thinking the worst that could happen.
If I were God, when the Israelites grumbled out of their thirst, I would rebuked them and maybe zap them out for doing so. But God was very patient with them. He did not got angry with them, but instead, called Moses and instructed him, then provided them with the water they need! As for me, God provided for every help I need to finish all my client's ITR and SEC deadlines without problem. Despite of my grumbling and lack of trust, He patiently guided me.
I thank God for showing me my heart and making me realize that I have not fully trusted Him in all areas of my life. And I pray that He enable me to fully surrender to Him and to help me grow in love and trust in all His ways.
Today, I always look back and remember how God manifested His power, love, mercy and grace in my life. To appreciate more of His patience and love and His desire for me to grow in trust for His will and purpose in my life.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
At the the height of ITR season, I thank God I was able to squeeze in a staycation with the family to celebrate my 36th birthday. Forgive my photos, I forgot to bring the camera, so we had to use our phones.