Spiritual Warfare

When I was a new Christian, I have heard about spiritual dryness and  I have always thought that it won't happen to me since I was on fire for the Lord.  Everyday, I was hungry for His Word and I can sit all day reading the Bible and talking to Him.  My free time was always prayer time- be it a short jeepney or bus ride, shower time, or short walk to and from.  Life was difficult then as we were down financially, but there was genuine peace and joy inside me.  It was amazing!  

Then the Lord blessed us with more than we deserved and I became busy in the process not wanting to pause and meditate as I always find myself  needing to meet deadlines.  My quiet time with Him became dry in the process that I almost cannot hear Him.  I knew deep in my heart that the joy and peace, only the presence of the Lord can give, is slowly fading away.  The pull of the world on me became stronger and my flesh suddenly woke up with renewed strength and conviction to reign on me. The struggle, the spiritual warfare the Apostle Paul described in Romans 7 was now becoming real right through me:

Romans 7: 15-20

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

I almost believed the lie that I am so guilty the Lord will not forgive me. But the Lord loves me and He will not allow me to go down the pit. He graciously nudges me when I take the wrong step and He never gets tired of doing so. He is faithful, merciful and gracious to forgive me. And His loving kindness makes me cry as I cannot give it back the same way with my own strength. Only through Jesus that I can be deserving of the gift of salvation. He is my Lord and Savior and I will fight for Him. My flesh will always renew its strength but God will give me enough strength to fight it back!

Slowly now, it is becoming clearer to me. Spiritual dryness came, for me to realize that faith and love for the Lord does not only mean being on fire for the Lord. I cannot rely on what I feel because my emotion can be deceiving. True faith and love for the Lord is a COMMITMENT. Commitment to fight for Him over my own flesh. To fight for my time for Him over my busyness, to fight for my obedience to Him over my own desires and to fight for my crown of life over the glittering prize the world offers. Commitment to fight on His side during this spiritual war fare. I am already in the middle of this war, and I chose to side with the Lord. And I pray for God that He lead me and renew my heart and strength every moment of this war.

Psalm 51: 10-11

Create in me a clean heart, O God

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.