When realization hits hard...

Ask me yesterday if I was being difficult as an employee to the company and as a staff to my boss and I would answer you NO. I was the best... I was indispensable... important. I had too much of an ego to the point already of being stupid... idiot.

And someone did tell me that before.

Did I accept it? Of course not! My ego and my pride was way to big to admit I was being stupid. I was perfectionist. No one can do a better job than me. I hurled criticisms at my teammates and always thought that they slow down any project that we had to finish. As if they were dragging me down from getting to positions. Even my bosses gained impossible comments from me. They were no good to be my boss. I was always better than them. So proud and mean! So self centered! After all, I was a choleric-sanguine by personality.

And then I came across an article in the net I didn't mean to read at all but I did. I'm really glad I did!

CONFESSIONS OF A RECOVERING IDIOT was all about me... or someone I can totally relate to. Because I was the same person. It was all about having to realize the painful truth that we have faults, that we are not perfect.. that we tend to look at others people's dirt in their faces without having to check our own reflections in the mirror first.

The article was so straight forward that I almost tried to see it as stupid before I even got to read the whole story. But the words of the author poured out reality in me. The words were never kind and encouraging at all to read by someone who can relate- but those words had cut through the shield of my stupidity. I was still trying to mend the shield mind you. But you see doing that will lead me again to the person I now realize was all wrong. I, too has never had the grace to accept criticisms, but I can hurl them back as fast as I could and as painful as it can get to the person. I was too sensitive that the slightest negative comment can ruin the whole day for me.

This confession had hit me so hard that I can't almost take it.

But I want to be a better person now.

I came upon such a powerful article not for me to say it's trash but for me to realize I still have the chance to a BETTER ME.